'CANTINA ON MARS © 1996 by Marilynn Flynn
A Parody with Apologies to Marty Robbins

Out in the west Martian town of El Padus‚ I fell in love with a colonist girl.
Sunset would find me in Roja’s Cantina‚ Music would play and dust devils would whirl.
Blacker than space were the eyes of Sirenum‚ Like two black holes wherein many men fell.
My love was deep for this young Martian maiden‚ My heart was caught in her gravity well.
One night a wild new settler came in‚ Wild as the west Martian wind.
Dashing and daring‚ Some air he was sharing with wicked Sirenum the girl that I loved.
So in anger I dared him to egress and answer my challenge. Then he reached out for my oxygen port.
The airfight was over in less than a heartbeat‚ His spacesuit blew out from a hole that I tore.
Just for a moment I stood in the silence‚ Shocked by the mess the near vacuum had done.
Justice was swift in this Martian frontier town‚ I had but one chance and that was to run.
Straight past the airlock of Roja’s I skipped‚ down to some rovers I spied
I got a fueled one‚ It looked like it would run. Into the seat‚ and away I did drive
Just as fast as I could from the the West Martian town of El Padus
Out to the badlands of Vallis Naro. Back in El Padus my life would be worthless.
I can’t forget the Mars maiden I left. It’s been so long since I’ve seen my Sirenum
My love is stronger than my fear of death.
I powered up and and away I did drive‚ riding alone in the dark.
Phobos and Deimos are spinning above me‚ Their feeble light leads me back to my heart.
And at last here I am on the horst overlooking El Padus‚ I can see Roja’s cantina below.
Rusted sand sprays from the wheels of my rover‚ Driving downhill to Sirenum I go.
Off to my right are five space suited settlers‚ Blocking my left is a dusty red rock.
Swerving and bouncing I can’t let them catch me‚ I have to make it to Roja’s airlock.
Something is dreadfully wrong for I feel‚ A deep burning pain in my side.
Though I am trying to stay in the rover‚ I’m breathing too much car–bon di–ox–ide.
But my love for Sirenum is strong and I rise where I’ve fallen‚ I’m losing pressure‚ I can’t stop to rest.
I see the O2 escape from my spacesuit, I feel the air getting sucked from my chest.
From out of nowhere Sirenum has found me, Touching my helmet she kneels by my side.
It's hard to kiss when you’re inside a spacesuit, One little wave and Sirenum, good-bye!

*Note - All of the names in the lyrics above are actual Martian place names*


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